Gabby's Journal

Diary Entry 1
Monitored by Therapist Candice Bauer

Mr. Showers says I have to see a doctor now. He thinks it will be good and help me learn to cope with my past. At first I didn't know what he meant, I thought that he was just going to drop me off and leave again. But he didn't...he came back! I think he's going to be my new daddy...I sure hope so. He lets me sleep in his bed, but not like my old daddy did. My old daddy did things...my doctor says that I'm supposed to write down everything that pops into my head when I have this book with me. She said that it would help me move on and cope. The adults sure do use that word a lot, cope. I looked it up in the dictionary while daddy was working with patience and I was in his office. The word is a little funny...I really don't understand the meaning all that much, and when I asked daddy he couldn't tell me either....well he did...but it all just sounded strange.

I wonder if daddy will read this. The lady at the doctor's office said that he wouldn't, but I'm pretty sure he will anyway. My daddy always finds a way to get what he wants...always. I have nightmares about him... nightmares that seem so real. He hurts me...like he used to...but I don't cry. Big girls aren't supposed to cry and daddy always told me that children are meant to be seen not heard. That means I am supposed to be as quiet as possible and not say anything.

People get mad when I say what I think...or when I try and tell someone about daddy. No one believes me. And now daddy makes me promise not to say anything...or I get beat. He tells people that I'm a liar...and liars go to Hell...does that mean I'm going to Hell? I don't want to go to Hell. I read the Bible and Hell's where bad people go...I guess that means I am bad too.

Uh-oh...time for bed now...I don't wanna get in trouble, I'll write more tomorrow.

Gabby Getz

Diary Entry 2
Monitored by Therapist Candice Bauer

I don't feel so good today...my head hurts and I'm really cold. Mr. Showers is at work today and Mrs. Showers is downstairs helping Juney with homework. I don't think Juney likes me very much. She gives me mean looks. I think it's because she knows I'm bad. I'm trying to be a good girl though, so that Juney will like me more...but so far it keeps messing up. Juney still hates me and Mr. Showers gets angry at her for it. I feel bad...because then Juney just hates me more. I don't want anyone to hate me, hate is bad. Daddy says that he loves me and that hate sends people to Hell. I don't ever want to hate anyone.

I'm so cold, I feel really bad. I wish Mr. Showers would come home soon. He usually checks on me, but I don't know if he'll be mad that I'm sick. Daddy used to make me stay in my room when I was sick. He wouldn't let me out to potty, eat, or do anything. It's because he loved me...he didn't want me to get any worse. Mr. Showers treats me funny. He doesn't make me ask permission...he just doesn't know that's wrong. I think he needs to talk to my doctor too...that way Candy can tell him that parents are supposed to give their children rules...lots of rules. My daddy said that a child without rules is just another little waste of space God set there to block good children. I don't want to be a waste of space.

My tummy hurts, I hope I don't get sick. When I got sick at daddy's he would yell at me and make me clean it up myself. Cleaing up throw up is icky...and it makes me feel worse. Mr. Showers when are you coming home?

I gotta go now Mrs. Showers is calling from downstairs

Gabby Getz

Diary Entry 3
Monitored by Candice Bauer

I'm feeling better today, although I think Mr. Showers is still mad at me for throwing up on him this morning. My tummy still hurt from last night and when I tried to eat breakfast it just came back up. I hope he forgives me, I miss when we used to read together and color. Juney still hates me and she keeps trying to get me into trouble. I don't know when to listen to her or not, so now I get into trouble if she tells me to do something and I don't do it. I don't like getting into trouble...it scares me.

April came home last night but she wasn't very happy with Mr. Showers...but I'm sure they will start to get along soon. April is so pretty, I want to look like her when I grow up and I have handsome boyfriend like Elliot! She said I could have Arthur of William, but that's okay! They are both really cute too! When they came over to swim in the pool I got Arthur to let me sit on his lap and William played with me in the pool! They are both so nice I just don't know which one I can pick for my boyfriend!

So today I was hoping that April and Elliot would let me go to lunch with them. I don't like staying in the house by myself and because Mr. Showers is still made at me for making him messy, I think it would be a good idea. I promised April to stay out of the way; but I am sure that Elliot won't mind if I sit on his lap once in a while when we finished eating.

Well I have to go and take a shower so April can do my hair for our lunch! Talk to you later!

Gabby Getz