Severus sighed as he put another box onto his desk and began filling it with his possessions. He had his letter of resignation in one hand and his wand in the other. He had not informed anyone of his resignation because he did not want a panic, but he was going to go and see Dumbledore and inform him. He was finished, done...he could not do this anymore. His promise to Lily meant nothing, she was dead...and it was clear that he was no longer content with being evil. He wanted to have a life his daughter could be proud of. He wanted to live without being reminded of his sins day in and day out. He didn't want to suffer anymore. He would rather end it all then live in this kind of pain. Albus could find a new spy...there were better, more noble, people out there. Dumbledore could use one of them.
It was too much pressure for him and he just could not handle it anymore. Black breathing down his neck constantly putting him through Hell day in and out, his children being put in direct danger because of him, he was done. He could not do it anymore. He never wanted to be a coward, never wanted to give up...but he could no longer do this. He was too old...it was all too much...it was just too much. Before when he had spied he did not have so many people pressing on him. He did not have Sirius Black insulting him and degrading his job as Headmaster, he did not have Potter dating his Serenity, he did not have to prove himself to anyone but himself...and Lily.
And his promise of always...always loving her, always protecting Harry, how could it be always if even when he did something he got nothing in return? Even when he fell in love again he was not permitted to have her. Because of his spying Aurora and him could never be together, because of his job he would never balance his work with his family, because of his own incompetence he was nothing more than a failure.
His eyes burned as he gently tucked a picture of his children into the box. It would be better for them...and maybe Dumbledore would take his position as Headmaster back...Severus would just fade away. He needed to do something so noble...maybe Black would be Headmaster. The mutt thought so little of how Severus was doing he was sure he could do a better job. Sitting down at the Headmaster's desk he looked at all of the boxes in place around the room.
"I'm sorry Lily..." he whispered. "I'm weak..."
Resting his elbows on the desk and burying his face in his hands he cringed as a knock on the door sounded. Why now? This was not the time or place to interrupt him.
"What?" he called weakly, his usual biting tone weak and dull.
Sat Apr 30, 2011 2:20 pm
