This Isn't Real (Open to Anyone)

Sirius nodded, his heart aching for the young girl in front of him. Such a burden for someone so young to have to bear... and more or less alone from the sound of it. She'd said her parents didn't care. Sirius was quite familiar with that scenario, having lived through it himself. Though now that he thought about it, perhaps it wasn't so much that his parents didn't care, just that their caring had too many strings attached.

Theirs was a hot, stifling sort of love, based less on genuineness and more on perception. Their love was like a garrote, always too tight, strangling him. But it was there. Imperfect and impure, but ever-present all the same. Until, suddenly, it wasn't. Even then, though, there was a part of him that believed it was still there, floating around somewhere. Maybe it was just that he wanted it to be there. He wasn't sure. He supposed it didn't much matter anymore.

"That might be best," Sirius said. "And it might not be so bad. The healers can give you pain potions and hair-regrowing potions and all sorts of things to make you more comfortable while you're undergoing treatment. And who knows, maybe with muggle treatments and magical treatments both, you can beat this thing. In fact, I fully expect you, too. And you can wear your blue wig to your graduation."

Autumn smiled and picking her tea cup up once more sipped it. She hoped to make it to graduation. She was so eager to make something of herself out in the real world. She wouldn't touch a single sickle of her parents blood money and she was determined to make her own way through society. Autumn would make her own title and not fall under the name of Paige any longer. It was just a last name and that was all. Setting the cup back down on the desk she cracked her knuckles and closed her eyes briefly.

"I don't know how I'm going to tell my friend Damon..." she said with a sigh. "He's one of my few friends...I don't want to worry him any...his life is already really hectic..."

Autumn knew that she wasn't talking about anything too important, but this had been going through her mind all day...among other things. She didn't know what she was going to do...how would she ever tell Mia? Her friend would tell Damon and then her life would be over...even more so then it was now.

"Ugh...my friends are going to throw a fit..." Autumn groaned. "Drama, drama, drama...I hate teen drama...it's so utterly pointless and stupid."

"You might be surprised at how your friends take it," Sirius said, thinking of Remus and the Marauders' revelation their second year. He realized very suddenly that he missed Remus. Perhaps he should go see him soon. He'd call him when Autumn left, he decided. He pulled off the purple wig. It was far too silly a thing for a conversation that had taken such a serious turn.

"When I was in school, I had a good friend who was very ill, and he was afraid to tell us. He was afraid we'd take it badly, even afraid we'd abandon him, if we knew. But we didn't. We were able to help him, actually. There's nothing in the world wrong with asking for help when you need it. Especially from your friends. That's what they're for. People have a way of surprising you, I've noticed. You friends are the people most likely to stand by you when your family won't. My friends were always closer to family to me than most of my family was. They're the people you're going to want to lean on. You should tell them. And Professor Snape and your head of house, if you haven't already. They can help you. You don't have to go through this alone."

(Hey Sirius, I was thinking that we could move this thread to proboards? I really like it, but I would like to finish it from the other site instead.)

Autumn sighed, her Professor clearly wasn't understanding that she did not have many friends if any at all. But she wasn't in the mood to fight and she was actually starting to not feel so well. Maybe going to the hospital wing would be a good idea, or at least to her dorm to lay down. She was tired and starting to feel a little off center. Looking weakly up at her Professor she stood.

"Would you mind if I excused myself, sir?" she asked weakly. "I think I need to go to the Hospital Wing."

Gently taking her bag and setting it on the carpet she sat down and laid on her back to face the ceiling. It was funny, she never noticed how high the ceiling of Hogwarts were until she actually got to lay down and look at them. It was kind of intimidating really...what if someone got hung up there by their ankles? Wouldn't that just suck balls?

"Boy the ceilings around here seem to stretch on forever." she yawned, randomly. "I bet Filch has great fun cleaning them...can we paint your ceiling once, Professor Black?"

Shaking her head she yawned again. She always got so strange when she was tired. She blamed her friend Mia, that girls random behaviors were practically contagious.

"Sorry," Autumn whispered. "Sometimes I speak my thoughts out loud."

Sirius smiled. He knew quite a few people who had a habit of blurting out thoughts. James used to do it, as a matter of fact.

"Would you like someone to accompany you to the hospital wing?" Sirius asked. He was sure she could get herself there, especially with the new flying carpet, and Sirius had all faith in the new healer, but it didn't feel right to just let her go. She must have been so frightened. Sirius would have been terrified, in her place. In fact, he was impressed by her calm demeanor. He wouldn't have been nearly so calm in her position.

Sirius stood. He didn't want to impose upon her, but a person shouldn't be alone when they were sick. Sirius had spent enough time sick in Azkaban and longing for human contact to know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. Sometimes he'd close his eyes and try that someone who loved him was there, singing him lullabies or feeling his forehead. The imaginings never lasted long, for the dementors were everywhere, their induced melancholy inescapable, but while they lasted, they were lovely fantasies.

"I'll tell you what, I'll come with you if you like, and once you're feeling better, I'll let you and your friends come and paint the ceiling." Sirius looked up. "I think fuchsia would suit. Don't you?"

Autumn smiled gently at her Professor. She had never had someone take care of her when she was sick. Usually her parents left her with the house elves and they weren't the most gently care givers. Sure, she got used to it...but there was just something personal about another human being, helping another human. Nodding with a small smile she sat down and let the carpet lift her up a couple of feet.

"If it wouldn't be too much of a bother for you Professor Black," she said with a small nod. "It'll be nice to have the company."

Autumn was always happy when someone asked to join her. It meant that she didn't look as cold and unfeeling as she let on to be. But her Professor saw through her, as a matter of fact Autumn Paige was pretty sure all of her Professor's saw through her. She didn't mean to be so obvious, but she was sure that because she tried so hard to hide it, that just made it shine through her even more.

Shivering a bit she adjusted the sweater on her shoulders once more. Hopefully as they got to the Hospital Wing it would become warmer. The new Healer in the infirmary usually had the fireplace lit and Autumn always claimed the bed closes to the hearth. She had not body heat left in her, and through out the night it seemed she always had this constant chill.

"I was thinking that a teal color would look better," she smiled. "But we can look at swatches later."

Chuckling a bit she felt her eyes sparkle with enjoyment. Autumn couldn't remember the time she felt so happy...it felt good to smile again, and she would always thank her Professor for that.

Sirius nodded thoughtfully as he put his purple wig back on his head. "Teal could work. So long as it was bright. The stonework needs brightening up. I always loved this castle, but it's awfully dark. Come on. Let's get you to the hospital wing." Sirius walked the familiar path to the hospital wing and turned Autumn over to the healer. He stepped outside while the healer saw to her, wanting to respect her privacy. He used the time to conjure swatches in every shade of teal to ever exist. He made some green and blue while he was at it, and one fuchsia, stuck in the middle of the stack. Maybe she'd see it and laugh. He'd be grading her papers with fuchsia ink for the rest of the semester. There was nothing like an inside joke.

When the healer had finished, Sirius stepped back in, the stack of swatches in his hand. He hated how pale and frail Autumn looked, even though he'd never seen her looking healthy. He still hated to think of someone so young being so ill. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair, but if the war had taught him nothing, it had taught him that there was nothing right or fair about the world, nothing right or fair about death. He forced a smile he didn't feel. "I don't want to keep you from your rest. Here are some swatches for you to look at. You pick which color you like, and we'll paint the ceiling. And please remember that my door is always open, if you need anything, or you just want to talk." Sirius left the swatches on the nightstand and patted her arm. "Please don't be a stranger."