And Just What Do You Think You Are Doing? (Aoife)

Severus was making his rounds...well...he sort of was making his rounds. He had walked around the school, but quickly grew bored of that and delegated it to his prefects. So that meant he had the pleasure of taking his usual midnight stroll. There were many things that he had to think about and this was the time he went through with it. However, tonight his mind seemed to draw a large blank. He just could not focus on anything essential. But he supposed that for one night that was okay. He could just admire the stars and how bright they seemed to look. For the longest time dark, storm, clouds lingered over them and now the whole sky just seemed to open up. It was absolutely breath taking...and no annoying, loud, first years to take from it.

He continued down past the town of Hogsmead and without even realizing it found himself at Hogsmead Station...ugh...that's what he got for getting too caught up in himself. Gently squeezing the bridge of his nose he was just about to turn around when something caught his eye. Actually...not so much something...as it was someone that caught is eye. A first year, and a Hufflepuff, and she was out way past curfew. Severus's lip curled into a scowl and he walked up to her, clearing his throat softly when he was just within earshot.

"And just what are you playing at being out of bed at this hour?" he snarled, menacingly. "Do you know how dangerous it is for students to be this far away from the castle so late?"

Aoife packed quickly, silently, efficiently. It wasn't difficult. She'd never really unpacked much, only her books and art supplies and the few clothes she had used. At first, she intended to go to the Ravenclaw tower and move in there. She'd drag her trunk all the way up there if she had to, and the she and Colleen would go together and tell Professor Snape that there had been a mistake, and they were supposed to be in the same house. He would let her be resorted. He just had to. Aoife couldn't stand another night here in Hufflepuff. It wasn't that she had anything against Hufflepuff. She liked her housemates well enough, she supposed, but she wanted to go home. She couldn't sleep in this strange bed in this strange room. She couldn't lie awake one more night feeling lonely. She wanted her mother. She wanted her father. She wanted her sister.

Aoife had just finished packing her trunk when she realized she didn't know where Ravenclaw was. She had no way to find Colleen. She dropped onto the bed, feeling desperate. She couldn't stay here. She just couldn't. She made a split-second decision; she was going home. She was going to go home and crawl in her father's lap and tell him not to ever make her go back, and he wouldn't. They'd teach her there, maybe. Maybe they'd even take her and Colleen back to Mali.

Aoife opened her trunk and rummaged until she found her backpack. Her parents could send for her trunk once she got home. She put her favorite clothes in there, and her notebook. She left the paints. She wouldn't be able to paint on the train anyway. They'd send for those as well. She'd go to Hogsmeade, she decided. She'd take the Hogwarts Express to London and then find her parents at Gringott's, and they would take her home.

She pulled on a jacket and a hat, shouldered her backpack, and started out the door. The walk to Hogsmeade was a blur. She didn't know when the Hogwarts Express would run, or how much it might cost, but she didn't care. She'd sleep in the train station if she had to, or maybe even go to the Three Broomsticks and ask to use the floo. When she got to Hogsmeade, the station was dark, closed for the evening. Everything else looked closed, too. Aoife's heart sank. She wasn't sure what to do now. She sat on the bench to think, but ended up blinking through tears as she stared, defeated, at the ground.

Aoife startled as someone began speaking to her. She was on her feet in an instant the moment she realized who it was. It was the headmaster! Her breath caught in her throat, and her stomach tied into knots. She suddenly felt like she might be sick, she was so frightened. She'd heard horror stories about students being sent to him. She was going to be in so much trouble! Her mind immediately began to imagine all the horrid things he might do to her. Her eyes widened, and she began to back away from him slowly, clutching her backpack to her chest. Her words caught in her mouth as she tried to explain. She wasn't trying to break the rules. She just wanted to go home!

"I-I-I..." Aoife stuttered, unable to get any more out. The tears began suddenly and without warning. "Please!" she sobbed. "I didn't mean to!"

Aoife

Severus felt himself roll his eyes a bit. Crying? Already? He hadn't even begun his lecture yet and the girl was already in tears? Crossing his arms over his chest he watched her sob, uncertain of any words of comfort other than the look he was giving her now. Severus was God awful at being there for someone; excluding his own children...but they were actually used to his Snape demeanor. Children were far too coddled for his taste and not many parents even gave a flying damn what their children did.

"Miss O'Brien, stop your sniveling this instance."

Severus really hated crying, especially when there was no need for it. So she had been out of bed long after curfew, did she honestly believe it was that big of an offense? No...now if it had been the Weasly twins the punishment would be far harsher. Severus did not trust those boys as far as he could throw them...and Potter...well...that boy was a danger to himself. Always running into trouble, or trouble running into him, no...this girl really had no reason to cry. He was not so heartless that he would make her scrub cauldrons till her fingers fell off. A simple detention with her head of house would do it.

The one lovely thing about being Headmaster was that he rarely had to give out personal detentions. Unless they occurred in his Potions Class, he did not give them. However because of recent cutbacks...Hufflepuff did not HAVE a head of house as of late...so that meant that Severus was on his own with this one. Ugh...he just hoped the girl didn't cry all the way back up to the castle. How awkward would that be? Severus hadn't even said more than seven words to her and she was already in a puddle on the ground.

"You can explain to my why you are out here while we walk back up to the castle, let's go."

Aoife bit her lip and wiped her eyes with the back of her wrist, trying to stop crying like her headmaster asked. She had no idea how she was supposed to stop crying, but she tried. She thought Professor Snape looked awfully angry. She'd probably be expelled. They'd snap her wand. She'd never be able to do magic again. Her parents would be disappointed. Colleen would be upset. Aoife couldn't even think straight. There was a strange rushing sound in her head as Professor Snape looked at her. It sounded like the ocean, like she was drowning. She hung her head, still sobbing.

"NO!" she cried as Professor Snape told her he was taking her back to the castle. No, she couldn't go back there! She couldn't! She wouldn't! "No, I don't want to go back! Please don't make me! I just want to go home!" The weeping began afresh as she lowered her head, burying it in the top of her backpack. It had been her mother's, and it still smelled of her perfume. A fresh wave of homesickness hit her. "Please!" she begged, clutching the backpack closer as she inhaled her mother's scent. "Please just let me go home!" She hated the childish words that came out of her mouth next, but she couldn't stop them, almost as though they had a mind of their own. "I want my mother!"

Severus sighed and resisted rolling his eyes. First years were so dramatic, but he knew that for some first years it was difficult. His children had it easy, their parents were right where they needed to be. As a matter of fact Severus could not recall a time where he was away from his wards for more than a day or so. He was dependent on his children, and he supposed they were when it came to him as well. So the parental side of him could understand what was wrong with this child; but the Snape side....the one that grew to become annoyed with incessant wailing was slowly prodding him in the rib.

So he took a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly as he tried to center himself before that fuse of his diminished into nothingness. Black should have stumbled upon this girl. He was always more adept to comforting crying students, whereas Severus wasn't sure what to do. His son had a knack for comforting people. He got it from his mother Aurora. Aurora always had a talent for making everything in the world seem better. She was beautiful, kind, just a wonderful person inside and out. Why couldn't Aurora had been with him tonight? Oh...that was right...she was still sick. So it looked like Severus was on his own for this one.

"Ms. O'Brien," he sighed, keeping his tone smooth and calm. "You are testing my patience and I am not in the mood. It is cold out, and I do not fancy myself or YOU for that matter catching a cold...now stop this insufferable behavior and come with me to the castle."

His dark eyes rested upon her tear stained face and sighing he took out a handkerchief and handed it to her.

"You have five seconds to come willingly or I make you...it is up to you."

Aoife tensed. She took two small, tentative steps forward, wanting to do as she'd been told, wanting Professor Snape to stop being cross with her. She couldn't stand it when anyone was cross with her. She'd thought the older students must be making it up when they said how strict Professor Snape was. She'd thought they must be trying to scare her. Now she saw that they were right. Her mind suddenly rushed forward to other things older students had told her. They said that Snape caned people who misbehaved. He'd probably cane her. Aoife had never been struck in her entire life. A wave of dread hit her so completely that she thought for a minute she might sick up. She'd rather be expelled than be caned! Her parents would be disappointed if she were sent home, but at least they wouldn't hurt her. Maybe they wouldn't even snap her wand. She hadn't broken any laws, after all. Had she?

Aoife forced her feet to move, battling with herself with every step. He was going to hurt her. He was going to expel her. He was going to shout at her. She didn't have any choice. She couldn't disobey. She took tiny steps, baby steps, slowly inching forward, wishing she could run. She still arrived by his side far too quickly for her liking. She looked up at him, her eyes wide with fear. She'd managed to stop the tears for the most part; she was almost too frightened for them. Never in her life had she been so frightened, not even the day the hippopotamus charged her. Her father was with her that day, and he kept her safe. Now, there was no one. Just her and the headmaster. She squeezed her backpack even harder. She wished her father were here now. Or her mother. Or Colleen. "Please, sir," she whispered. "I'm sorry. Please don't cane me."

Severus was struck dead with that statement and he froze to turn around to the girl. She thought that he was going to cane her?! Severus never even laid a hand on his own children! He looked down at her his eyes cold and glaring, almost angry at her for assuming such a thing...but then he remembered that she was a first year Hufflepuff and that it was probably the fault of an older student that she had heard such lies.

"I have never," he said sternly. "Nor will I ever, lay a hand on one of my students."

He felt almost hurt by this! How could anyone ever think such a thing! Sure Severus wasn't the nicest teacher, but he was the most protective! He cared more about his students than any normal teacher would ever admit to! Did none of them realize all that he did to keep them safe? Did none of them know what he went through day in and day out to protect them all? How could his students be so selfish and cold?!

Shaking his mind of those thoughts he managed to center himself and rid his eyes of whatever hurtful look had crossed them while he had a battle within himself. He looked down at the girl and felt himself release a rather shaky sigh.

"Whoever told you such a thing was just trying to scare you, I have never caned anyone...I wouldn't even do such a heinous thing to my own children."

Aoife stopped and took two rather large steps backward when Professor Snape turned on her. She expected him to start shouting, and braced herself, but when Professor Snape looked at her, she thought he looked sad. Her lower lip began to tremble. She'd made it worse. She'd hurt his feelings. She hadn't meant to! She only wanted to know what he was going to do to her! He'd probably hate her now, if he didn't already. He'd probably never forgive her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, but she didn't know if he heard her. She shrank up small inside her jacket, wishing the earth would open up and swallow her. She was certainly going to be expelled now. She was sure of it. Tears filled her eyes once more. She wiped them away, not wanting Professor Snape to see. She buried her head in the backpack once again. It was comforting, smelling her mother's perfume. Her mother always smelled good. Maybe Aoife would ask her to send some perfume, and Aoife could smell good, too. If she stayed, that was.

Aoife still didn't want to go back to the castle. She would have run, but she didn't want to make the headmaster any angrier. She took a few more steps back, ending up almost where she had started. She couldn't take her eyes off of him. She hated being in trouble. She just wanted to go home. She wanted to see her parents. She swiped at her eyes again, but she knew it wasn't going to be much use. The tears came harder and faster with each passing second. She bit her lip and closed her eyes tightly, trying to make them stop, but she couldn't. She opened her eyes again and looked up at the headmaster, hoping beyond hope that maybe he'd just let her go home. "I'm sorry!" she said between sobs. "I only wanted to see my mum and dad!"

Severus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, his annoyance getting stronger. Okay, how to deal with a homesick little child? He never had to deal with that when it came to Serenity or Miles. His daughter never left home unless it was to go and see Potter, and Miles was always gone seeing as he lived with his mother. So he was fairly untrained in these affairs. Looking down at the young, blond, girl he sighed.

"Miss O'Brien, are you going to really challenge the Headmaster?" he cocked his eyebrow at her. "Because if you get me to the point that I am at risk for losing my temper...you will...not.like.it."

His patience was already wearing thin and he was not above paralyzing this kid and moving her back to his office that way. He wasn't even sure he would punish her at this point, just because he wanted to get her back up to the school where she belonged.

"We will discuss a way for you to speak with your parents," he continued. "However that will not happen if you do not stop shrinking away from me and back to where you started."

Crossing his arms over his chest he continued to stare the girl down. He was not going to just leave her out here, and the Hogwarts Express was not going to come for her. He did not know what it was like to be homesick as a child. When he was young he would have killed to spend a year away from home. Didn't this girl like what freedom it gave her? Usually that was something all of his students craved. They had some freedom of their own, away from their parents loins. It seemed like it would be something wonderful! However, the Headmaster supposed, that some students would never get over living under their mother's aprons.

"We can come up with a solution to your problem, but only if you come up to the castle now..." he sighed, making his gaze as gentle as possible. "Please?"

Aoife's eyes went wide once more. She hadn't meant to challenge him, and she didn't want him to be angry. She stared up at him and began her slow, tentative march forward again when he said he'd let her talk to her parents. Hope leapt like Springtime into her chest and her tears stilled for a moment. Could it be that he would let her go home? She came slowly, but she came. It never would have occurred to her to disobey. Not really, anyway. She looked back at the train tracks, wishing the train had been there. Or that she'd been able to go inside the station and find out when it would run next. The perfume wafted up again and filled her eyes with tears once more. She wanted to stay here. She wanted to tell him she wouldn't go, but her body kept moving forward, as though it knew something her brain did not.

She arrived at his side once more, her shoulders hunched as she stared at the ground, sniffling, still trying unsuccessfully to do as she'd been told and not cry. She couldn't make herself look up again, not when Professor Snape was so angry with her. Not when she was in so much trouble. She hadn't meant to do anything wrong. She supposed she knew she wasn't supposed to leave the castle, but she was going to go straight to Gringott's and find her parents. That wasn't dangerous. She'd have told Colleen if she knew where to find her.

Aoife forced herself to look up again, but then her eyes turned down again of their own accord and followed a crack in the station floor. A purple flower was growing out of it. That would make a beautiful drawing. If she'd seen it while she was waiting, she might have tried, but now she had to go back to the castle. Maybe Professor Snape would let her go home through the floo. She wanted to ask, but she was far too frightened. She glanced up once more, wishing she knew what to say, wishing she could explain everything, but she couldn't. The words got stuck somewhere in her throat. A whispered, barely audible, "I'm sorry," was all she could get out.

Severus sighed at the small words. He was so reminded of Serenity when he heard this little girl speak. Damn his fatherly instincts to Hell. He remembered a time when he would assign a child detention and not even really care. He knew now that had been the wrong approach...but back then he would have done it. But his daughter had done so much to change him. From the moment she was born she held his heart in her hand...and she still did. And damn her, she knew it all too well. She used it to her advantage, but in a way that just made his love for her grow even more. And she was so beautiful, such a perfect mix of him and Aurora... well mostly Aurora; which was why he felt she was so beautiful.

"You do not need to apologize," he said softly. "I understand."

And he did...he understood because Lily had been one of those girls. She had missed home terribly while away. And more than once he had found her crying over a letter she had received from that hag sister of hers. Severus had never been trained in the art of comfort but he usually always managed when it came to Lily...it was strange that there were only few people he could comfort properly. One of them being his daughter...the other being his son.

"My daughter," he said, hoping to give her some comfort that he would NOT eat her soul. "Never had to go through what you are. She's lived here at Hogwarts most of her life...so while here she was never really far away from home."

He looked down at her, gently.

"So I am sorry that I cannot help you more, child. I wish I could make you see Hogwarts for what it was when I was a child. The large castle...full of wonderful mysteries...a story in every room you walk into...or the lake...swimming with mermaids, and Hogwarts' pet squid...you are currently living in the worlds largest fairy tale child...something you could not get at home."

He smiled gently, letting his lips curl slightly...something he rarely did.

"How about a story to pass the time, eh? Maybe something to make this little jaunt a bit easier?"

Aoife looked up at Professor Snape once more and bit her lip. He didn't know anything about home. Her little village was full of mysteries and excitement and things to explore. Her parents worked mostly in Timbuktu, exploring ancient buildings there - buildings even older than Hogwarts. It had been a great city once, Timbuktu. Greater even than London. Aoife wanted to tell Professor Snape about it, but she was afraid he'd think she was being rude, so she trudged along behind him and stared at the ground.

Aoife shivered. Even with her jacket, it was cold. She didn't think she'd ever get used to the cold. Her parents had warned her about it, and bought Colleen and Aoife jumpers and hats and mittens and cloaks. Even so, Aoife was sure she'd freeze to death. She came to Ireland to visit during Christmas once, and more than anything else she remembered the cold. It snowed, she remembered, and it was the first time she'd ever seen such a thing.

At first, she thought it was little bits of cloud falling down from the sky, but her grandmother scoffed and said it was only snow. Her cousins all went out to sled and throw snowballs at one another, but Aoife stayed inside with her mother and sat by the fire and drank tea and listened to the grown-ups talk. Because she was so quiet, they'd usually forget she was there and say things they wouldn't usually have said in front of children. Aoife learned quite a lot that way.

Aoife's gaze went upward, to the stars. She didn't want to hear a story. She wanted to be left alone to wait for the train. She swiped at her eyes once more with the sleeve of her jacket, but she'd given up all pretense of stopping the tears. She spied a cloud that looked like an elephant, trunk raised. She drew in a shuddering breath and bit her lip again against a fresh wave of tears. "Back home," she said between sobs and gulps of air. "There were elephants. There was a baby one we called Horton. He liked to swim in the lake. I wanted to watch him grow up."

Severus sighed feeling some frustration coming back to him. He had given up on all hope of trying to change for his students, some things just never worked. He had taken his daughter's advice and tried treating his students more like he treated Miles and Serenity...and it just always blew up in his face. So he was just going to give up. He had a few students that respected and even liked him...he supposed that would just be the end of that. He didn't even know why he was still a teacher, or how Dumbledore could have thought him being Headmaster was the right thing to do. Black drove him to the point that he was ready to off himself, students like Miles, Potter, and his own daughter, worried him to the point that he felt violently ill, and homesick students like O'Brien tried to run away and forced him to chase them back to the castle. He was so fucking sick of it that words would never be able to describe it. He was going to step down...he was going to step down and let Dumbledore give the job to someone else. It was too much for him. Being Headmaster was too much, being a spy was too much, being Severus Snape was too much. He was sick of the hatred, sick of the judgment, sick of having to hide behind the mask of a "glorified" Death Eater.

Did everyone think he liked waking up and being hated? Did everyone think that he liked being alone? The one friend he had truly held in his heart had died and it had been his fault. He felt horrible about that but no one would give him the chance to prove that he could do better. No one ever let Severus Snape have a chance to prove himself. When he was a child he had been harassed and bullied by a group of Gryffindor's. In the present he was forced to go to Death Eater meetings and get beaten and cursed. Was this to be his life? His life where there was nothing but pain? A life when there was no one in it for him to love or be loved by? His daughter and son had both seen him for what he really was...a failure; and now they knew to move on from him.

Sometimes he just hated that if he died people would be happy about it. If he died he would have no one to mourn him. He was sure that not even Dumbledore would mourn him. And now after thinking these things he didn't even want to have tea anymore. He turned to O'Brien, keeping his gaze blank so she would not sense his pain and emotion scarring.

"O'Brien..." he said, tiredly. "I actually do not know what to say to you anymore...I'm sorry...I cannot make you love Hogwarts...I cannot make you love being away from home...and I cannot make you believe that I want you to be happy here...but I do. I value all of my students happiness...and I want you to be happy...but I can only make you happy if you try to be happy. There has to be something about Hogwarts you like...something you get here that you cannot get at home? Think child..."

Aoife looked up at professor Snape, wondering why he suddenly seemed so sad. She wished she knew what to say to make him be happier. Aoife never wanted anyone to be sad. She wiped her eyes with her sleeve and pulled a jumper out of her bag. It was her favorite jumper; her mother had knitted it just for her, so she wouldn't get cold in the castle, and it was soft and comfortable and fuzzy, and had two shades of her favorite color - green. She stopped just long enough to take off her jacket and trade it for the jumper. Then she put the jacket back on. She couldn't believe the cold. It was only September! Aoife could hardly bear to think what it would be like in January. She shivered just thinking about it.

"I like Professor Michaels," Aoife said softly. "Charms is fun. I learned how to make a book dance. I like all the professors. They're really nice, especially Professor Black. He's funny. And I like Professor Benfield, and Professor Wallace. I like all the professors, and I like art class. I never got to take one before. I like to draw things, and Professor Fletcher has good ideas. I draw a lot when I feel unhappy. My mother sings and dances when she's unhappy. She says she can dance all the sadness right out, and that's what painting does for me. I can paint all the unhappiness away. But I tried that! I really did!"

Aoife wanted to make clear to him that going home hadn't been her first resort. She didn't want him to feel sad that she didn't like his school. It wasn't that. Well, it was a little, but mostly it was just that she wanted to go home. She wanted to be in her own room with her mum and dad and Colleen. She wanted to smell the desert again. Scotland was pretty in its own way - everything was so green! And the highlands and lakes were gorgeous. Sometimes she climbed up to the Astronomy tower just to look at them. But it wasn't the same as Mali. It wasn't home.

"I'm sorry," Aoife said again. She wasn't sure what she was even apologizing for, but she couldn't help feeling like everything she said was bad. She knew she was in loads of trouble, even though all she wanted was to go home. For a minute, she thought she was going to cry again, but after a heroic effort, she managed to keep the tears at bay. She glanced up at Professor Snape once more. "Professor? Am I in awful trouble?"